Sunday, October 3, 2010

turn of events

Well, I've thought a bit about whether or not to blog about this...and clearly, I made my decision. This blog is about my life in Korea. The good and the bad. So, here we go.

This past weekend, my on and off 5 year relationship ended. This time, it seems like the true end. I know I've said this before but, through all of the tears shed the last couple of days, I've come to realize that the relationship had run its course.

We moved to Korea together. We did that. But Korea was not the reason for the end. I believe our souls have grown apart over the months that we've been here. It probably would have happened anywhere. And he had the courage to do what I could not.

And gosh, I am sad. I ache and I feel sick and I don't know what to do with myself. I miss him. I miss us. It's only been 2 days, so I know it will get better.

But this can be an opportunity, right?

It's led to a lot of questions for what my next move will be. I mean, if I'm honest with myself, I came here for him. Sure, I wanted to travel--but for a whole year? Having a partner made it sound much more appealing to the homebody that I am. I don't know if I will stay here for the rest of my 6 months, but I do know I will try to stick it out as long as I can. Maybe, as an independent woman, I will experience more. I hope this is true.

So, readers. Please send some love to both my and Justin's way. Please send us warmth for our hearts and hope for our respective futures.

I'm off to teach some kiddos. Thank goodness for work, to get me out of my mind!

2 comments:

Alicia said...

What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies within you. - R.W. Emerson

Sarah B said...

katrina, thank you for so bravely sharing what's so profoundly deep in your heart. i actually have been reading backwards, knowing i'd at some point get to your sad day blog. and i did. i am already amazed with how far you've come from that day...in just a few short weeks. you are strong and i think, someday...when you're somewhere else in the world, you'll look back and go, "korea, wow, what a trip..." and wish so badly to be back there, when your in a new world somewhere else. being abroad, esp. for those of us that are homebodies, is such a challenge while we're in it, but such a life changer and a strength builder when we look back on it. being abroad goes through stages, "everythings new and great," "everythings not so new but still great," "everythings not new and i'm getting a little homesick," "everything is old, stinky, not at all like home and why in the world did i decide to do this?," and finally "wow, time flies...i'm really feeling like a part of this culture, what? i have to go home now, what is that? where is that? i don't think i'm ready!" i think you're getting to the end of the "everything is sucky stage" and moving to the next...which is the best stage, but also the flies-by-super-fast-stage. hang on and enjoy the ride for all you can and keep finding something, anything, positive about each day and you'll be just fine...you're doing some amazing introspection and i'm so glad to be a witness to it. and KEEP DANCING, don't lose that again!